this just in : new virus warning

  if you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "badtimes," delete it immediately without reading it. this is the most dangerous email virus yet.

  it will re-write your hard drive. not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. it will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . it will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your atm access code, screw up the tracking on your vcr and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any cds you try to play.

  it will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. it will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. it will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

  it will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

  badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. it will give you nightmares about circus midgets. it will replace your shampoo with nair and your nair with rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your visa card.

  it will seduce your grandmother. it does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

  badtimes will give you dutch elm disease. it will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. it will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. it is insidious and subtle. it is dangerous and terrifying to behold. it is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.


  如果你收到一封主题是“ 倒霉透了”的邮件时,立即删除千万不要阅读。这是迄今最为危险的邮件病毒。








  be careful what you wish for

  a couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

  during the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

  the wife wanted to travel around the world. the fairy waved her hand, and boom! she had the tickets in her hand.

  next, it was the husband's turn. he paused for a moment, then said shyly, "well, i'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

  the fairy picked up her wand, and boom! he was ninety.








  one day, while sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. a little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.

  "oh, that," frank said. "every time i cheated on you, i put an egg in this box." sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.

  "but what about the 10,000 dollars?"

  "every time i got a dozen, i sold them."

  一天,妻子 sue 在整理床铺时,偶然发现了一个小盒子。出于好奇心,她小心翼翼的打开了盒子,发现里面放了三枚鸡蛋和10000美元钞票。对于相处了20余年丈夫居然对自己隐瞒了此事,她开始感到有些疑惑不安。

  “哦,是这样的,”丈夫 frank 解释道,“每次我做了对你不忠的事,我就会在这个盒子里放一枚鸡蛋。” sue 虽然对此感到不很高兴,但是转念又一想20多年的丈夫背着她有婚外情也不过只有三次,想想也不算太坏。